Deconstructing Harry Part 2: A Review in Seven Parts

Click to read Part 1, if you haven't already

Author's note: I haven't read ahead in the book. The "thoughts-per-page" posted are the exact thoughts I had while reading that very page. They have not been edited in retrospect or changed in hindsight. Many thoughts will be wrong. Many will be right. I will hold off on giving my opinion of the book until I'm finished reading it. Here are my thoughts on pages 101-200 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:

Page 104 - Hermione reveals that a Horcrux is the opposite of a human-being. If you run a human through with a sword, their soul will survive, untouched. If you destroy a Horcrux the very soul contained within will perish.

Page 105 - Harry's doubting his relationship with Dumbledore again. Who was this hippy-dippy wizard, anyway?

Page 114 - "It's traditional to give a wizard a watch when he comes of age." I guess it beats a sweater. Of course Harry's watch is used, because Harry is repressed and everything. The Wizarding community sure doesn't come through much for their savior.

Page 116 - Ginny gives Harry a superior present. She sneaks him off into a room and begins "kissing him as she had never kissed him before." Harry considers it "blissful oblivion" and enjoys it so much that even "firewhisky" cannot compare. Tweens have just been given masturbation fantasies that will last them throughout adolescence -- or at least until they find their dad's stash of Playboy Magazines.

Page 120 - Hagrid gives Harry a birthday gift that will come in handier than the hard-on Ginny delivered. It's a "Mokeskin." You can hide anything inside it and only the owner can get it back out.

Page 125 - Rufus Scrimgeour -- a sort of George W. Bush doppelganger -- crashes Harry's party to give Harry, Ron and Hermione what was left for them by Dumbledore in his will. Ron gets a Deluminator (it's a lighter shaped object that can turn lights in rooms on and off at will), Hermione receives a copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard (a collection of children's stories) and a disappointed Harry is willed the snitch he caught in his first Quidditch match.

Page 128 - Harry discovers Dumbledore also left him "The sword of Godric Gryffindor." But Scrimgeour isn't willing to give up the sword, claiming it wasn't Dumbledore's to grant in the first place. Harry all freaks out (as Harry's prone to do), thinking the sword was mean to be bestowed upon him to kill Voldemort.

Page 134 - There's more to the Snitch than Harry had suspected. In Dumbledore's handwriting appears the words, "I open at the close." The close of Harry's life? The close of Macy's Day 24 Hour Sale? Did Dumbledore suddenly turn into the Riddler? Mysterious ...

Page 137 - At Bill and Fleur's wedding, Harry drinks some Polyjuice and disguises himself as "Cousin Barny." Oh, so now they figure it out. I'm surprised J.K. Rowling didn't have everyone at the wedding drink the potion and turn themselves into 100 Harry Potters.

Page 140 - Luna Lovegood makes her first appearance. She's my favorite character in the entire series and a I have a feeling she'll be nothing more than a bit-player in The Deathly Hallows. I hope I'm wrong. But I know I won't be.

Page 143 - Viktor Crum makes an appearance. Nobody cares.

Page 145 - Harry feels sorry for himself.

Page 148 - If Viktor is to be believed, Luna's dad is wearing Grindelwald's sign. Grindelwald was a dark wizard that Dumbledore went down in infamy for defeating in a battle. But who the fuck believes Viktor?

Page 152 - Elphias Doge reveals that, after becoming "rather rude" with Rita Skeeter, aspersions were cast upon his sanity. Pretty much par for the course with the Bush Administration. How much of this is coincidence and how much is Rowling working politics into her books?

Page 154 - A drunken and gossipy Auntie Muriel spits all over the image of Albus Dumbledore. She claims Kendra Dumbledore locked her daughter Ariana in the cellar for being a "squib." Locked in a cellar for being different? This is something Harry can relate to. His faith is being shaken in Dumbledore, who, according to a tipsy Muriel, sat by passively doing nothing to help his sister.

Page 155 - Sure enough, Harry identifies with Kendra Dumbledore. Was she locked up like Harry, only for knowing too little magic, while Harry was locked away for knowing too much?

Page 158 - Harry finds that Dumbledore's mother and sister were buried close to his mother and father in Godric's Hollow. Harry feels that Dumbledore lied by omission.

Page 159 - Harry doesn't have much time for self-pity prior to a Patronus arriving at the wedding uninvited and declaring, "the ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming."

Page 160 - Death Eaters arrive at the place of celebration. Harry, Ron and Hermione narrowly escape with their lives, as they narrowly always do.

Page 162 - Hermione says "damn." Conservative Christians everywhere debate burning the book. Because, of course, they've never cursed before in their lives.

Page 163 - In the Muggle world, Hermione is perfect jail bait. Men begin "wolf-whistling" and hitting on her. Conservative Christians decide that the book does, indeed, need to be burned.

Page 168 - Although he's now 17, could Harry still have a trace on him? Who could have put it there? I'm guessing Mad-Eye Moody, even though he's "dead."

Page 173 - Hermione moves to the political right. "You've got to close your mind!" she tells Harry. Next, she'll join in the closest scheduled book-burning of the latest Harry Potter novel.

Page 174 - Draco makes his grand entrance. He seems unwillingly resigned to torturing those who fail Voldemort.

Page 177 - Harry's starting to have mega-doubts about Dumbledore. Going so far as to compare the great wizard to Dudley. Dudley?!? Now that just stings.

Page 178 - What I wouldn't have given for "Permanent Sticking Charm" when I was a young teenager. "Don't like my Freddy Krueger poster, mom? Tough fucking shit. Try to remove it ... I dare you."

Page 181 - "It seems incredible that Dumbledore" Way to leave us hanging, J.K.. You do know I want your head on a stake for this, don't you? Esp. when it's going to turn out that Albus Dumbledore had reasons for his every action and was never cruel to anyone ... esp. his own blood.

Page 182 - Baby Harry and his mini-broom was a moving scene. Made me get all lumpy in the throat.

Page 186 - Sirius Black's brother, Regulus, was a Death Eater. Regulus? Where does J.K. come up with these ridiculous names? I guess I shouldn't be shocked, as this is the woman who named an entire series after a character named "Harry."

Page 196 - Yikes. Kreacher went through hell and back. He's still an asshole, as far as I'm concerned.

Page 198 - Hermione gets the biggest "I-told-you-so" thus far. It's not hard to see her gloating in that, "I'm really not gloating" sort of way that she's perfected over the course of 7 novels.
--Alex Sandell