Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Uncle Alex

Does that have a nice ring to it? Because I'm gonna have to get used to hearing people call me "Uncle Alex," as I am now an uncle. Sort of like Ben, but I don't shill rice. Ironically, my other brother who just became an uncle's name is Ben. I just thought of that as I typed "sort of like Ben." Weird. We have an Uncle Ben in the family.

Anyway, that's me holding my nephew David up there. I told jfargo (otherwise known as Jeremiah Fargo) that being an uncle isn't as weird as it seems (in six month, he's going to be one himself). That's only partially true. Whenever I look at this picture of my nephew in my arms I get all gooey like. I can't really explain it. But he was made from my brother's sperm and my brother and I were both made from my dad's sperm, which makes me sort of ... er ... an uncle.

Okay, jfargo (otherwise known as Jeremiah Fargo) ... I lied -- it is fucking weird!

But at the same time, look at that picture up there. Try to look past my hairy arms and gigantic mutant freak hands and see that cute little baby they're holding. Doesn't part of you look forward to that experience (being an uncle, not growing an absurd amount of hair on your arms)?

The only bitch of a problem is that I'm now forced to be "cool" for that much longer (heh). Everyone wants to be the "cool" Uncle. And anyone named "Uncle Ben" can't be cool by default. That leaves the job to me.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!! How can someone as tiny as the baby in my arms cause this much pressure? David, I hope I can live up to your expectations. And I hope your mom and dad never find out about the R rated movies I sneak you into. Or how late I let you stay up when they're away and I'm babysitting. That's the job of the "cool" uncle, right?

How much you wanna bet my brother's reading this and getting all pissed? "Honey," he'll say to his wife, "Alex is NOT taking David to the movies unless we go along!" And so it begins...

EDIT: And knowing my luck, I'll drop dead before he's old enough to say my name.
--Alex Sandell

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32 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you. That makes me worry less about being an uncle even if it doesn't help me worry less about my brother being a dad.

I look forward to being the "cool" uncle. I live quite a distance from them, so I'd probably be the Uncle that shows up twice a year with really awesome presents and has amazing stories to tell.

I have to find some amazing stories first, but I'm working on it.

August 7, 2007 at 9:58 AM  
Blogger Sloopydrew said...

Just steal some from Steven Spielberg's TV show (when you said "amazing stories" Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories popped into my head.)

With jokes like that, I'm on my way to being the coolest uncle EVER. ;-)

August 7, 2007 at 10:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I just realized, is that the closest to posting a picture of yourself online that we've ever seen on Juicy?

And I'm not counting the Fred Flinstone picture. :p


And hey, with jokes like that, I have some hefty competition! I'll have to start collecting jokes now. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Genetic engineering!

August 7, 2007 at 10:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoy!
^_^

August 7, 2007 at 12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cuuuuute! The baby isn't bad either.

August 7, 2007 at 7:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome to the "Uncle" club, Alex. I've been in it since my teens, and it can be a kick. Enjoy!

August 8, 2007 at 12:15 AM  
Blogger Amanda W. said...

Aww, he is so cute :)

August 9, 2007 at 3:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh stop. You're overreacting. I've been an aunt (pronounced "ant" there's no need for pointless attempts at artistocracy in my family) for over a decade. It seems like all fun, games and mysticism until they ask you to change the diaper with psychedelic yellow diarrea in it.

August 9, 2007 at 6:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I live 3 hours away, and will soon be moving 9 hours away from my family. Thankfully this distance makes it unlikely that I'll be changing any yellowed diapers.

Don't know about Alex, but I'll at least be safe. Heh.

The cool uncle don't change no diapers!

August 10, 2007 at 7:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about the brown ones?

August 11, 2007 at 10:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait till you get to be a father.
Then it gets really disconcerting (but in a good way).
I deeply enjoy every day.

August 13, 2007 at 2:32 PM  
Blogger Sloopydrew said...

I'll never be a father.

August 14, 2007 at 8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just never say never, will you now!

August 14, 2007 at 2:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'll never be a father."

Ah, sounds like me a few years ago. The fates doth have a sense of humor...

August 14, 2007 at 3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will never get to be a father either, for I am esterille.
On the other hand, I dont need condoms...
YAHOOOOO!!

August 15, 2007 at 6:50 PM  
Blogger Snippet said...

Re: The Edit

You okay?

August 17, 2007 at 11:33 AM  
Blogger Sloopydrew said...

@jeremiah

Thanks for asking.

No, I'm not.

But I'm not saying anything about it on the page until I know for sure what exactly is wrong. That MRI I wrote about (in the update about "mini-strokes") didn't come back with happy results.

August 17, 2007 at 2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God, I'm so sorry to hear this, man. I think I speak for us all when I say that we're all pulling for you and we hope for nothing but the best for you. Take care of yourself.

August 17, 2007 at 10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yaRaTi Your blog is great. Articles is interesting!

October 26, 2007 at 4:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i5yL9l Please write anything else!

October 26, 2007 at 1:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks to author.

October 26, 2007 at 2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks to author.

October 26, 2007 at 2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please write anything else!

October 27, 2007 at 2:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice Article.

October 27, 2007 at 3:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice Article.

October 28, 2007 at 9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Magnific!

October 30, 2007 at 1:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks to author.

October 30, 2007 at 4:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice Article.

October 30, 2007 at 8:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

xDZvdQ Good job!

October 31, 2007 at 1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice Article.

October 31, 2007 at 2:05 PM  
Blogger Snippet said...

Hey Alex, I just wanted to let you know that I really miss the ability to leave you comments directly on your articles. I'll probably never know why you stopped with your blogger account, but I miss it.

I still really appreciate this post. Being an uncle has been interesting, but I'm not around much since I live 9 hours away. That'll change, eventually.

June 30, 2008 at 6:40 PM  
Blogger Snippet said...

I'm a dad, now, not just an uncle.

The world is crazy, sometimes.

March 3, 2014 at 7:16 PM  

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