Uncle Alex

Anyway, that's me holding my nephew David up there. I told jfargo (otherwise known as Jeremiah Fargo) that being an uncle isn't as weird as it seems (in six month, he's going to be one himself). That's only partially true. Whenever I look at this picture of my nephew in my arms I get all gooey like. I can't really explain it. But he was made from my brother's sperm and my brother and I were both made from my dad's sperm, which makes me sort of ... er ... an uncle.
Okay, jfargo (otherwise known as Jeremiah Fargo) ... I lied -- it is fucking weird!
But at the same time, look at that picture up there. Try to look past my hairy arms and gigantic mutant freak hands and see that cute little baby they're holding. Doesn't part of you look forward to that experience (being an uncle, not growing an absurd amount of hair on your arms)?
The only bitch of a problem is that I'm now forced to be "cool" for that much longer (heh). Everyone wants to be the "cool" Uncle. And anyone named "Uncle Ben" can't be cool by default. That leaves the job to me.
AAAAAAAAHHH!!! How can someone as tiny as the baby in my arms cause this much pressure? David, I hope I can live up to your expectations. And I hope your mom and dad never find out about the R rated movies I sneak you into. Or how late I let you stay up when they're away and I'm babysitting. That's the job of the "cool" uncle, right?
How much you wanna bet my brother's reading this and getting all pissed? "Honey," he'll say to his wife, "Alex is NOT taking David to the movies unless we go along!" And so it begins...
EDIT: And knowing my luck, I'll drop dead before he's old enough to say my name.
--Alex Sandell
Labels: Alex Sandell, deconstructing hairy, freak, giant, hairy arms, hands, movies, mutant, The Juicy Cerebellum, Uncle, Uncle Alex, Uncle Ben
32 Comments:
Thank you. That makes me worry less about being an uncle even if it doesn't help me worry less about my brother being a dad.
I look forward to being the "cool" uncle. I live quite a distance from them, so I'd probably be the Uncle that shows up twice a year with really awesome presents and has amazing stories to tell.
I have to find some amazing stories first, but I'm working on it.
Just steal some from Steven Spielberg's TV show (when you said "amazing stories" Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories popped into my head.)
With jokes like that, I'm on my way to being the coolest uncle EVER. ;-)
Hey, I just realized, is that the closest to posting a picture of yourself online that we've ever seen on Juicy?
And I'm not counting the Fred Flinstone picture. :p
And hey, with jokes like that, I have some hefty competition! I'll have to start collecting jokes now. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Genetic engineering!
Enjoy!
^_^
Cuuuuute! The baby isn't bad either.
Welcome to the "Uncle" club, Alex. I've been in it since my teens, and it can be a kick. Enjoy!
Aww, he is so cute :)
Oh stop. You're overreacting. I've been an aunt (pronounced "ant" there's no need for pointless attempts at artistocracy in my family) for over a decade. It seems like all fun, games and mysticism until they ask you to change the diaper with psychedelic yellow diarrea in it.
I live 3 hours away, and will soon be moving 9 hours away from my family. Thankfully this distance makes it unlikely that I'll be changing any yellowed diapers.
Don't know about Alex, but I'll at least be safe. Heh.
The cool uncle don't change no diapers!
What about the brown ones?
Wait till you get to be a father.
Then it gets really disconcerting (but in a good way).
I deeply enjoy every day.
I'll never be a father.
just never say never, will you now!
"I'll never be a father."
Ah, sounds like me a few years ago. The fates doth have a sense of humor...
I will never get to be a father either, for I am esterille.
On the other hand, I dont need condoms...
YAHOOOOO!!
Re: The Edit
You okay?
@jeremiah
Thanks for asking.
No, I'm not.
But I'm not saying anything about it on the page until I know for sure what exactly is wrong. That MRI I wrote about (in the update about "mini-strokes") didn't come back with happy results.
God, I'm so sorry to hear this, man. I think I speak for us all when I say that we're all pulling for you and we hope for nothing but the best for you. Take care of yourself.
yaRaTi Your blog is great. Articles is interesting!
i5yL9l Please write anything else!
Thanks to author.
Thanks to author.
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xDZvdQ Good job!
Nice Article.
Hey Alex, I just wanted to let you know that I really miss the ability to leave you comments directly on your articles. I'll probably never know why you stopped with your blogger account, but I miss it.
I still really appreciate this post. Being an uncle has been interesting, but I'm not around much since I live 9 hours away. That'll change, eventually.
I'm a dad, now, not just an uncle.
The world is crazy, sometimes.
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