5 Dumbest Things Americans Have Protested in the Past 5 Years

5. Evolution

None of the signs they hold up or mantras they chant could do as effective a job making a case against evolution as the fact that there are actually humans in the 21st Century who don't believe in evolution.

4. Gay Marriage

The argument goes, "Protect the sanctity of marriage." No, it's not really much of an argument, but it won't go away. Esp. during the Republican Primaries. Stupid Republicans and their primaries.

3. Stem Cell Research

Anyone protesting stem cell research today needs to step to the back of the line in 50 years when the research has helped discover a cure for Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and cancer. Paraplegics will have to have someone carry them there.

2. The Shitty Virgin Mary

Some guy put elephant dung on a painting of the Holy Virgin Mary, people protested and then New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani threatened to cut funding to the Brooklyn Art Museum if it chose to run the exhibit. I suppose elephant dung could have mildly offended a person or two, but look at the picture and tell me what you think really had their undies up in a bunch:

Was it the dung, or? Which brings me to ...

1. Janet Jackson's Nipple

If there was only one incident in all of humanity that would send future generations into hysterics, it would be the reaction people had over seeing a nipple during a football game. Fines were dealt, debates were had and countless hours of "news" was devoted to a millisecond shot of a woman's nipple slip. People said the "innocent" minds of children everywhere would be corrupted. Well, guess what that nipple was made for? To feed innocent children. Just because they make grown men horny doesn't make them "bad." The smell of pumpkins make grown men horny. Are we going to ban Halloween?

Oh, wait ... maybe I shouldn't give them any ideas.
--Alex Sandell